When deep in sin I would avoid confession until I had some distance from those sins. For some reason in my mind it sounded better to say, "I was willfully getting drunk for several months but I've got a handle on it and I havent done it for a few weeks." I felt this way about any number of sins and addictions. When I found myself deep in sin I would often stop praying. The thinking was, "how hypocritical for me to sit here and talk to God like I didn't just reject Him an hour ago." I thought I needed to make myself perfect in order for God to work in my life. Can you imagine the pride in thinking that? That somehow someway I could make myself fit for the King of Kings and Lord of Lords? I will never be fit for the King on my own. Nor could I prepare a place on earth that would be fit enough for Him to be born in.
It was only until I began going to confession to a priest in Buffalo named Fr. Marty that I truly understood that God was all too willing to come into the mess of my life. Fr. Marty knew well that you cannot wait for perfection before letting the Lord work in your life. After I would convict myself Fr. Marty always started with the phrase, "Well the good news is that you qualify!" Often followed up with, "The Lord came to heal sinners...". After about six months of going to him regularly my whole life switched. My imperfection became reason to run to the Lord.
- My wounds qualified me for Jesus the physician.
- My sin qualified my for Jesus the savior.
- My ignorance qualified me for Jesus the Savior.
- My humanity qualified me for Jesus the New Adam.
- My darkness qaulified me for Jesus the deliverer.
- My pride qualified me for Jesus the Lord.