It was Sunday afternoon when I was reciting this prayer. That night at about 11:30pm my wife woke me out of a sound sleep with the words, “I think I’m having contractions.” I thought to myself, “the baby wasn’t supposed to come for another 2 months.” I immediately started to panic in my mind. My wife and the baby’s well being, work, money, etc. were all filling my head. I was very upset.
It was almost like I thought because I said, “Jesus I trust in you” that meant that the turmoil would end. I thought it was like a magic formula. I say this and everything calms down. Obviously I was wrong.
At about 2:00am when the baby was born and he and my wife were safe I started thinking about the whole attitude I had. Jesus I trust in you isn’t just a phrase. It isn’t just a mantra it’s a prayer and like all prayers you cant just say them with your mouth. We pray with our mouths but also with our minds and hearts. While my mouth was saying, “Jesus I trust in you” my heart and mind were saying, “Jesus I trust in you as long as…” You can fill that final part of the sentence with anything you want but it will always be bad.
It was a perfect example of not fully surrendering to God. I trusted Jesus to a point and then I abandoned Him. It turned out to be a great examination of conscience for me.
We all need to fully surrender to the Lord. There should be no point in our heart where we would abandon that trust.
Jesus, I trust in you